The Joshua Tree :: Recent Entries

Title:	PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW
Topics:	moving
Date:	Monday, March 9, 2009 at 3:27 PM
Security:	public
Location:	Bellevue, WA
Listening to::	none
Today, I feel::	anxious

It has been my conscious decision not to blog very much these past few months. Frankly, there for a while, I wasn't even sure enough of my own thoughts on life to try to impart any comedy or wisdom to anybody who might read my words. Frankly, it's been a rough year. Not that it was all bad... it wasn't... there were parts that were fun and wonderful, but a big part of the past year had me in a very dark pit of depression and self-loathing.

I once heard someone say, when life gets to be too much, just do what you would do with your computer starts bogging down -- just breathe and reboot. I know, it's a computer nerd analogy, but I still think it applies. My life needs to reboot. My role as a parent needs to reboot. My own relationship really needs to reboot. We just need to restart the computer of life, and open only the applications that we need to use. All those defunct processes running in the background have been bogging down or simply crashing anything I have tried to open. And I didn't get to save most of my work before I got to the blue screen of death.

Now, I'm about to leave Washington, and move back to Oklahoma. I am feeling the bittersweet pain and a bit of anxiety about another big move, but in the end it's the right thing to do. I will miss Washington, and all the people I got close with while I was here, but I know that since my job is still here, that I will be back from time to time. (So it's not really GOODBYE, it's more like SEE YOU LATER.)

I feel as if I'm rambling, therefore I probably am. For those of you in Oklahoma, I expect to be seeing you soon. For those in Washington, I expect to be visiting again soon -- I'm sure the next time the company has a function or a big meeting. For those of you in neither place, you just suck anyway. LOL

Love and all that,

Josh

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Title:	MY ONLY IDOL BLOG
Topics:	idol
Date:	Thursday, February 26, 2009 at 10:19 PM
Security:	public
Location:	home
Listening to::	idol
Today, I feel::	content

Okay, folks... here we go...

I have been trying to give all of you a break with my American Idol stuff, and I just have to say one thing.

I LOVE NORMAN GENTLE! Ha! I could not believe what I just saw on that stage! Yeah, his singing was pretty awful, but his slightly-altered version of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" (altered, to "And I Am Telling You, I Hope I Am Not Going") was the most hysterical thing I have seen in a long time!

Go to your DVR's and watch it. If you don't have one, I'm sure that YouTube is probably playing it now!

Man... okay I will pipe down now.

Later.

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Title:	YOU'RE A MEAN ONE, MISTER GRINCH
Topics:	christmas memories, song lyrics
Date:	Monday, December 15, 2008 at 1:09 PM
Security:	public
Location:	OFFICE
Today, I feel::	amused

This is one of Grandpa's favorite Christmas songs. I will always remember his hearty laughter every time I hear this one...

---------

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.

You're a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You've got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch.

I wouldn't touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Grinch.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crockodile.

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You're a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch.

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch.
You're the king of sinful sots.
Your heart's a dead tomato splot
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Grinch.

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You're a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked horse.
Mr. Grinch.

You're a three decker saurkraut and toadstool
sandwich
With arsenic sauce.

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Title:	ROCK BALLADS
Topics:	informercials, rock ballads
Date:	Sunday, December 14, 2008 at 2:22 AM
Security:	public

www.TimeLife.com/RockBallads

Oh, Mah, Gawd. I am watching late night television, which of course, means infomercials. The one that is getting me at the moment is THE ROCK BALLADS CD SET from TIME LIFE.

I totally wish I could have all these songs, for four easy payments of $29.99.

LOL

I crack myself up.

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Title:	RIP - BETTIE PAGE
Topics:	bettie page
Date:	Friday, December 12, 2008 at 9:29 AM
Security:	public
Location:	home
Today, I feel::	sad

Generations of people are in mourning. Bettie Page has died, after battling pneumonia and a heart attack in the last few weeks. Read the story here:

http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=343888&gt1=28101

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Title:	A CHRISTMAS MEME
Topics:	christmas, meme
Date:	Thursday, December 11, 2008 at 11:26 AM
Security:	public
Location:	office
Listening to::	random Xmas music from Pandora!
Today, I feel::	amused

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!! Just copy (not forward) this entire post and paste into a new post/bulletin that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. ’Tis the Season to be NICE!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Either. If it’s an oddly-shaped item, use the gift bag. It’s just better presentation that way. Get it? “Present”ation? LOL

2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. That way, one investment = years of not having to vacuum under the tree three times a day.

3. When do you put up the tree? I haven’t put up a tree in years, but I believe you’re supposed to do it the day after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? April. LOL

5. Do you like eggnog? Only if it has Captain Morgan (or similar) in it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? I believe I mentioned this before, but I loved my tricycle so much, I wouldn’t even let go of it when I fell asleep on the couch.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Garry. It’s best to get him a gift certificate and let him pick it out himself.

8. Easiest person to buy for? The kids. They are usually pretty specific about what they want for Xmas.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope. The most decorating I’ve done for Xmas is a jar filled with red and green potpourri.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I prefer to email them, but I love getting them in the mail.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Socks and underwear.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I love all the Xmas cartoons, and of course, A Christmas Story.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I agree with Kaylene on this one! Usually the week before Xmas, because that’s when I have the money! Though this year I got an early start.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No, that’s pretty tacky!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Besides all the nibbly goods at our Xmas Eve gathering, I usually can’t wait to have some of Granny’s tater salad.

16. Lights on the tree? Well it would be kind of boring without the lights, eh? Then it would just be a great big PLANT.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Oh Holy Night – pretty much any version except Luciano Pavarotti. He gets on my nerves.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel to Okla.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Yes, actually I can. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph. Let’s not forget, though, that “Donner” and “Blitzen” are not the original names of those particular two reindeer. Their original names were “Dunder” and “Blixem”, which are Dutch for “Thunder” and “Lightning”. Somehow, along the way, their names were misspelled in a translation of the story, and then became part of the new American vernacular…

Mike and I actually have had recent debates about this topic. He gets grouchy any time someone says “Donner and Blitzen”, because he believes them to be “incorrect”. My theory is that since the incorrect versions have been taught to so many people for over 100 years, doesn’t the “new” version then BECOME the correct version? Like if enough people believe something, doesn’t it on some level then become the truth?

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on the issue.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I’ll go with a star. Britney Spears, perhaps. Or, Lindsay Lohan. I’m sure either of them would look really funny with a Christmas tree sticking out of their bums.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? We’ve always done it on the EVE.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Traffic around the shopping areas.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Deep reds, dark greens, throw in a little white and gold, and you are in business!

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? I think we already covered this.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Family togetherness would be nice. A big fat check would be nice, too, but I’m not that presumptuous.

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Cassie usually does these surveys, I’m sure she will.

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Title:	TWO FUNNY THINGS FROM TODAY
Topics:	funny news
Date:	Wednesday, December 10, 2008 at 3:51 PM
Security:	public
Location:	OFFICE
Today, I feel::	amused

TWO BITS OF FUNNY NEWS FOR TODAY:

One of the gossip columnists on MSN News actually used the word "asshatty", when describing an interview given by Chris Klein, to Elle Magazine in 2005. I was shocked and amazed that this word was used... but after further investigation in to the young gentleman's words, I completely agree that "asshatty" was pretty much the only word one could use to describe it.

The word can be found here:
http://movies.msn.com/movies/hotgossip/12-08-08_2/?GT1=28101
Scroll to the bottom, you'll find it.

Further explanation of the actual interview can be found here:
http://popsugar.com/4223

One of my favorite quotes from the interview is: Chris, 26, a self-described "alpha heterosexual" who only dates "8 to 10's,"...

(Methinks he doth protest too much)

-------------------------------

In our state capitol, there has been a little controversy over the holiday displays in the capitol's rotunda. Of course, there's the traditional Christmas nativity scene, but the one that caused the most ruckus was a plaque on display for atheism.

This, of course, sparked many many requests for other holiday displays at the capitol. The state has approved several others, but the one that sparks my interest the most is the one they will display in honor of FESTIVUS. I am TOTALLY going to try to get down there to get a picture of the Festivus pole. Hell, I might even join in on the festivities!

The news story can be found here: http://www.komonews.com/news/local/35616504.html

For those of you who have never heard of Festivus, I recommend you watch a little more television. LOL! First, though, you can check out the following video on YouTube that might help explain it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQFLqMyo0fo

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Title:	KISS MY BOOP
Topics:	bad tv movies, oldies
Date:	Monday, December 8, 2008 at 1:16 PM
Security:	public
Location:	BELLEVUE WA
Today, I feel::	depressed

Last night, I was watching a made-for-tv movie (I forget the name), about an elementary school teacher with Tourette's Syndrome. It was a very touching movie, and very reminiscent of something one might find in a "Chicken Soup for the Neuropsychiatric Patient" book.

In this movie, the spastic schoolteacher finds a girl who doesn't mind his outbursts. I was very happy for him! What a wonderful concept, that love can conquer even the most inconvenient hurdles... not necessarily something I have experienced in my life, but hey -- it's a feel-good-tv-movie, so I digress.

During their first date in this movie, he asks, "What.. um... what music do you like? BOOP! BOO-BOOP!"

She said, "I absolutely LOVE the oldies, like Sting or Milli Vanilli."

Are you EFFING KIDDING ME? Sting? Milli-Freakin'-Vanilli? I know that was probably 20 years ago, and now people old enough to be college graduates are calling them "oldies"?

Holy crap, dude. I must be really old. To me, the music decades should be classified as follows:

1950'S - 1960's = OLDIES
1970'S = CLASSIC
1980'S = RETRO
1990'S = MODERN
2000'S = NEW

I suddenly took a disliking to the screen writers for this movie. They can kiss my "BOOP! BOO-BOOP!"

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Title:	OMG I JUST GOT RICKROLLED!
Topics:	lol, rickrolling
Date:	Friday, November 21, 2008 at 3:31 PM
Security:	public
Location:	BELLEVUE WA
Listening to::	NONE
Today, I feel::	amused

Apparently, there's this sub-culture of people who have begun "rickrolling" people online. According to Wikipedia:

Rickrolling is an Internet meme typically involving the music video for the 1987 Rick Astley song "Never Gonna Give You Up". The meme is a bait and switch: a person provides a Web link they claim is relevant to the topic at hand, but the link actually takes the user to the Astley video. The URL can be masked or obfuscated in some manner so that the user cannot determine the true source of the link without clicking (and thus satisfying their curiosity). When a person clicks on the link given and is led to the web page he/she is said to have been "Rickrolled".

I am literally rolling in the floor laughing. That's awesome!

I want to do that to someone!

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Title:	RELATIVE DIFFERENCE - OR LACK THEREOF
Topics:	philosophical ramblings
Date:	Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 11:49 PM
Security:	public
Location:	BELLEVUE, WA
Listening to::	NONE

Earlier this brisk evening, I stood in the parking lot, and lit a cigarette. As the crisp, "after-the-rain" air whisked my cheek and whipped my hair, I took notice of the ground beneath my feet, and the buildings around my immediate space.

I began to ponder my geographic location. I imagined the United States as a giant map, lying on the ground. I imagined my position on the map in relation to the fair hamlet I refer to as "home". I mentally oriented myself in relation to the buildings nearby, to the bay, to the interstate highways, to the oceans, to the surrounding countries...

I then began to think again about the buildings surrounding me. I began to notice their age, and realized that many of them were here before I was born. While I was riding my tricycle and watching Sesame Street, these buildings were here. While I was learning to drive, and trying to survive the mental trials of high school, these buildings were here. While I was living my life there, these buildings were here.

A looming feeling of disappointment sauntered up to me from the proverbial left field, and settled in my head. I can't seem to shake it. The disappointment is not with the buildings themselves, or even with the beautiful city surrounding them. The disappointment is deeper than that. I am disappointed at my own insignificance.

I feel insignificant because life went on here before I got here. I feel insignificant because life goes on back home, after I left. With the exception of a few people's feelings, it really doesn't matter to the world where I am. Life will go on with very, very little relative difference, no matter where I am.

I went back to pondering the position of my feet. Yes, my feet are here on the giant life-sized map. What if they weren't? Well, that building would still be there. Those cars would still drive by. The wind would still blow off the water and chill the air. What difference would it make? Very, very little, I'm afraid.

I don't want this to come across like I'm depressed. I'm not. I think I'm just trying to reconcile some conflicts in my brain. Mostly, I just feel like I want to make a difference with something, but don't know how.

Blah. Now my brain is tired from all this deep thinking. I think I shall go to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be less philosophical.

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Title:	REFLECTIONS...
Topics:	birthday, farting, toasting
Date:	Monday, November 17, 2008 at 9:35 AM
Security:	public
Location:	Bellevue WA
Listening to::	None
Today, I feel::	relaxed

Back in the early-to-mid-1980's, when I first moved to Coweta, I made fast friends with a quirky young boy named Steven. He was a short little guy who farted a lot, and who used to invite me over to ride four-wheelers and jump on the trampoline. One of my most distinct childhood memories was at his house, when his mother rented a VCR, and the Ghostbusters movie, and made Rice Krispie Treats. We sat in the dark and watched the little slimy green ghost on the television, and loaded up on sugar right before bed time. A good time was had by all, except maybe for his mother... ha ha.

His digestive problems aside, he was quite a funny guy to have around, and I enjoyed hanging around with him. When we were teenagers, we seemed to be going in different directions, and drifted apart. Life happens, I guess... but it is always this day every year that I remember his birthday, and wonder what happened to the little guy who taught me all about "Silent but Violent" gas.

----------------------------

As many of you may or may not know, my own birthday is tomorrow. A few of my dearest peeps got together on Saturday night, and took me out for dinner and dancing to celebrate. (Photos to follow, as soon as I get them off the camera...)

I am really happy that everyone made it for dinner. Togetherness is exactly what I wanted for my birthday this year. Last year's birthday was surrounded by emotional turmoil, and sort of went by without much ado. Plus, let's face it, the year following it hasn't exactly been a cake walk.

As I hold my can of Diet Pepsi up in the air, I propose a toast to all of you: May 33 be a whole hell of a lot better than 32 was!

Here, here!

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Title:	SPAM SUCKS
Topics:	spam
Date:	Monday, October 20, 2008 at 5:30 PM
Security:	public
Location:	BELLEVUE WA
Listening to::	NONE
Today, I feel::	annoyed

If I'd actually won the lottery as many times as my Yahoo Mail says I had, then I wouldn't have to be sitting here at this desk. I could have my own desk, in my own castle in the South of France, with servants to clean up my messes, wash my underpants, and screen my calls. I could even hire someone to teach me how to speak French, so I could order my servants around.

If ailing royalty from all those African countries really intended to wire me millions of dollars, I wouldn't have to get out of bed before noon, I wouldn't have to cook for myself, nor would I have to brush my own teeth. I'm sure I could hire a live-in dentist to professionally clean them after every meal.

If all those women from Yahoo Mail actually wanted to show me their tits, then I could get them all to sign waivers, and give the "Girls Gone Wild" guy some good competition.

If I actually signed up for, and received, all those free samples of Viagra, I could drive across country, distributing the drug to all the nursing homes, turning them in to rockin' old-people-frat-houses. Those poor old ladies will never know what hit them.

If I actually signed up for, and received, all those free samples of Enzyte and other male-enhancement drugs, I'm quite certain I would no longer be able to walk comfortably. I'd have to pay someone to follow me at all times and carry it. Or I could just push it around in a wheelbarrow.

Spam e-mail sucks. It is sad that I am considering dumping an e-mail address I've had for nearly ten years, just because I'm sick of seeing 95% of my inbox isn't even for me.

Or am I just in a bad mood?

You decide.

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Title:	LIVE AND LEARN
Topics:	comics
Date:	Friday, October 3, 2008 at 11:11 AM
Security:	public
Location:	BELLEVUE WA
Listening to::	Don't Stop Believing - Journey
Today, I feel::	amused

For some reason this one really tickled me.

LIVE AND LEARN, SNOOPY OLD BOY!

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Title:	TIME TRAVEL
Topics:	time travel
Date:	Friday, September 26, 2008 at 1:04 PM
Security:	public
Location:	Bellevue WA
Listening to::	none
Today, I feel::	nerdy

Found on this page in Yahoo news:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080926/ap_en_ce/learjet_crash

Have we mastered the art of time travel?

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Title:	CLAY IS GAY, NO SHYT SHERLOCK!
Topics:	clay aiken
Date:	Friday, September 26, 2008 at 11:00 AM
Security:	public
Location:	BELLEVUE WA
Listening to::	NONE
Today, I feel::	pissed off

Okay, I've had enough. I've just plain had it. Yes, Clay Aiken is GAY. This is a little piece of information that most of us have KNOWN for YEARS, but all of a sudden, it's plastered all over magazine covers, and every online news venue carries at least one headline about it, if not more. In fact, this morning when I got up, one of the nationwide news shows was having a long interview with Clay Aiken about his new baby, and his recent announcement about being a pouf.

I can imagine there might be two or three people who were shocked by this announcement. Probably his Grandma, an old high school girlfriend, and the person who posted this on his ClayManiacs fan web site:

"This is really shocking news as I had no idea he was gay, and now I have to deal with this. I am not sure what to say to people who know I was a fan. ... I didn't go to work today and am not answering the telephone."

Okay, so that person is a bigoted dumbass - I'm sure that everybody she's embarrassed to face already KNEW that Clay is gay, and really couldn't give a damn. I know that most of us are rolling our eyes at the whole situation, and quite frankly, are tired of it.

I mean to say that we have way more important issues to worry about in this country, besides whether or not Clay Aiken prefers external genitalia over the more internal variety.

I think Clay is a very talented singer, although I wouldn't buy an album. I'm really happy that he got to have a child with a good friend, and I'm sure he's an awesome guy if you spent the time getting to know him, but NOBODY CARES. Let's stop milking this, and get on with our lives!

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