The Joshua Tree

PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW

2009-03-09T22:28:22Z

It has been my conscious decision not to blog very much these past few months. Frankly, there for a while, I wasn't even sure enough of my own thoughts on life to try to impart any comedy or wisdom to anybody who might read my words. Frankly, it's been a rough year. Not that it was all bad... it wasn't... there were parts that were fun and wonderful, but a big part of the past year had me in a very dark pit of depression and self-loathing.

I once heard someone say, when life gets to be too much, just do what you would do with your computer starts bogging down -- just breathe and reboot. I know, it's a computer nerd analogy, but I still think it applies. My life needs to reboot. My role as a parent needs to reboot. My own relationship really needs to reboot. We just need to restart the computer of life, and open only the applications that we need to use. All those defunct processes running in the background have been bogging down or simply crashing anything I have tried to open. And I didn't get to save most of my work before I got to the blue screen of death.

Now, I'm about to leave Washington, and move back to Oklahoma. I am feeling the bittersweet pain and a bit of anxiety about another big move, but in the end it's the right thing to do. I will miss Washington, and all the people I got close with while I was here, but I know that since my job is still here, that I will be back from time to time. (So it's not really GOODBYE, it's more like SEE YOU LATER.)

I feel as if I'm rambling, therefore I probably am. For those of you in Oklahoma, I expect to be seeing you soon. For those in Washington, I expect to be visiting again soon -- I'm sure the next time the company has a function or a big meeting. For those of you in neither place, you just suck anyway. LOL

Love and all that,

Josh

MY ONLY IDOL BLOG

2009-02-27T06:23:01Z

Okay, folks... here we go...

I have been trying to give all of you a break with my American Idol stuff, and I just have to say one thing.

I LOVE NORMAN GENTLE! Ha! I could not believe what I just saw on that stage! Yeah, his singing was pretty awful, but his slightly-altered version of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" (altered, to "And I Am Telling You, I Hope I Am Not Going") was the most hysterical thing I have seen in a long time!

Go to your DVR's and watch it. If you don't have one, I'm sure that YouTube is probably playing it now!

Man... okay I will pipe down now.

Later.

YOU'RE A MEAN ONE, MISTER GRINCH

2008-12-15T21:16:30Z

This is one of Grandpa's favorite Christmas songs. I will always remember his hearty laughter every time I hear this one...

---------

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.

You're a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You've got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch.

I wouldn't touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Grinch.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crockodile.

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You're a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch.

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch.
You're the king of sinful sots.
Your heart's a dead tomato splot
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Grinch.

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You're a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked horse.
Mr. Grinch.

You're a three decker saurkraut and toadstool
sandwich
With arsenic sauce.

ROCK BALLADS

2008-12-14T10:23:05Z

www.TimeLife.com/RockBallads

Oh, Mah, Gawd. I am watching late night television, which of course, means infomercials. The one that is getting me at the moment is THE ROCK BALLADS CD SET from TIME LIFE.

I totally wish I could have all these songs, for four easy payments of $29.99.

LOL

I crack myself up.

RIP - BETTIE PAGE

2008-12-12T17:29:35Z

Generations of people are in mourning. Bettie Page has died, after battling pneumonia and a heart attack in the last few weeks. Read the story here:

http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=343888&gt1=28101

A CHRISTMAS MEME

2008-12-11T19:27:19Z

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!! Just copy (not forward) this entire post and paste into a new post/bulletin that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. ’Tis the Season to be NICE!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Either. If it’s an oddly-shaped item, use the gift bag. It’s just better presentation that way. Get it? “Present”ation? LOL

2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. That way, one investment = years of not having to vacuum under the tree three times a day.

3. When do you put up the tree? I haven’t put up a tree in years, but I believe you’re supposed to do it the day after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? April. LOL

5. Do you like eggnog? Only if it has Captain Morgan (or similar) in it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? I believe I mentioned this before, but I loved my tricycle so much, I wouldn’t even let go of it when I fell asleep on the couch.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Garry. It’s best to get him a gift certificate and let him pick it out himself.

8. Easiest person to buy for? The kids. They are usually pretty specific about what they want for Xmas.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope. The most decorating I’ve done for Xmas is a jar filled with red and green potpourri.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I prefer to email them, but I love getting them in the mail.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Socks and underwear.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I love all the Xmas cartoons, and of course, A Christmas Story.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I agree with Kaylene on this one! Usually the week before Xmas, because that’s when I have the money! Though this year I got an early start.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No, that’s pretty tacky!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Besides all the nibbly goods at our Xmas Eve gathering, I usually can’t wait to have some of Granny’s tater salad.

16. Lights on the tree? Well it would be kind of boring without the lights, eh? Then it would just be a great big PLANT.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Oh Holy Night – pretty much any version except Luciano Pavarotti. He gets on my nerves.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel to Okla.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Yes, actually I can. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph. Let’s not forget, though, that “Donner” and “Blitzen” are not the original names of those particular two reindeer. Their original names were “Dunder” and “Blixem”, which are Dutch for “Thunder” and “Lightning”. Somehow, along the way, their names were misspelled in a translation of the story, and then became part of the new American vernacular…

Mike and I actually have had recent debates about this topic. He gets grouchy any time someone says “Donner and Blitzen”, because he believes them to be “incorrect”. My theory is that since the incorrect versions have been taught to so many people for over 100 years, doesn’t the “new” version then BECOME the correct version? Like if enough people believe something, doesn’t it on some level then become the truth?

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on the issue.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I’ll go with a star. Britney Spears, perhaps. Or, Lindsay Lohan. I’m sure either of them would look really funny with a Christmas tree sticking out of their bums.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? We’ve always done it on the EVE.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Traffic around the shopping areas.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Deep reds, dark greens, throw in a little white and gold, and you are in business!

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? I think we already covered this.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Family togetherness would be nice. A big fat check would be nice, too, but I’m not that presumptuous.

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Cassie usually does these surveys, I’m sure she will.

TWO FUNNY THINGS FROM TODAY

2008-12-10T23:51:27Z

TWO BITS OF FUNNY NEWS FOR TODAY:

One of the gossip columnists on MSN News actually used the word "asshatty", when describing an interview given by Chris Klein, to Elle Magazine in 2005. I was shocked and amazed that this word was used... but after further investigation in to the young gentleman's words, I completely agree that "asshatty" was pretty much the only word one could use to describe it.

The word can be found here:
http://movies.msn.com/movies/hotgossip/12-08-08_2/?GT1=28101
Scroll to the bottom, you'll find it.

Further explanation of the actual interview can be found here:
http://popsugar.com/4223

One of my favorite quotes from the interview is: Chris, 26, a self-described "alpha heterosexual" who only dates "8 to 10's,"...

(Methinks he doth protest too much)

-------------------------------

In our state capitol, there has been a little controversy over the holiday displays in the capitol's rotunda. Of course, there's the traditional Christmas nativity scene, but the one that caused the most ruckus was a plaque on display for atheism.

This, of course, sparked many many requests for other holiday displays at the capitol. The state has approved several others, but the one that sparks my interest the most is the one they will display in honor of FESTIVUS. I am TOTALLY going to try to get down there to get a picture of the Festivus pole. Hell, I might even join in on the festivities!

The news story can be found here: http://www.komonews.com/news/local/35616504.html

For those of you who have never heard of Festivus, I recommend you watch a little more television. LOL! First, though, you can check out the following video on YouTube that might help explain it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQFLqMyo0fo

KISS MY BOOP

2008-12-08T21:16:28Z

Last night, I was watching a made-for-tv movie (I forget the name), about an elementary school teacher with Tourette's Syndrome. It was a very touching movie, and very reminiscent of something one might find in a "Chicken Soup for the Neuropsychiatric Patient" book.

In this movie, the spastic schoolteacher finds a girl who doesn't mind his outbursts. I was very happy for him! What a wonderful concept, that love can conquer even the most inconvenient hurdles... not necessarily something I have experienced in my life, but hey -- it's a feel-good-tv-movie, so I digress.

During their first date in this movie, he asks, "What.. um... what music do you like? BOOP! BOO-BOOP!"

She said, "I absolutely LOVE the oldies, like Sting or Milli Vanilli."

Are you EFFING KIDDING ME? Sting? Milli-Freakin'-Vanilli? I know that was probably 20 years ago, and now people old enough to be college graduates are calling them "oldies"?

Holy crap, dude. I must be really old. To me, the music decades should be classified as follows:

1950'S - 1960's = OLDIES
1970'S = CLASSIC
1980'S = RETRO
1990'S = MODERN
2000'S = NEW

I suddenly took a disliking to the screen writers for this movie. They can kiss my "BOOP! BOO-BOOP!"

OMG I JUST GOT RICKROLLED!

2008-11-21T23:32:15Z

Apparently, there's this sub-culture of people who have begun "rickrolling" people online. According to Wikipedia:

Rickrolling is an Internet meme typically involving the music video for the 1987 Rick Astley song "Never Gonna Give You Up". The meme is a bait and switch: a person provides a Web link they claim is relevant to the topic at hand, but the link actually takes the user to the Astley video. The URL can be masked or obfuscated in some manner so that the user cannot determine the true source of the link without clicking (and thus satisfying their curiosity). When a person clicks on the link given and is led to the web page he/she is said to have been "Rickrolled".

I am literally rolling in the floor laughing. That's awesome!

I want to do that to someone!

RELATIVE DIFFERENCE - OR LACK THEREOF

2008-11-21T07:50:25Z

Earlier this brisk evening, I stood in the parking lot, and lit a cigarette. As the crisp, "after-the-rain" air whisked my cheek and whipped my hair, I took notice of the ground beneath my feet, and the buildings around my immediate space.

I began to ponder my geographic location. I imagined the United States as a giant map, lying on the ground. I imagined my position on the map in relation to the fair hamlet I refer to as "home". I mentally oriented myself in relation to the buildings nearby, to the bay, to the interstate highways, to the oceans, to the surrounding countries...

I then began to think again about the buildings surrounding me. I began to notice their age, and realized that many of them were here before I was born. While I was riding my tricycle and watching Sesame Street, these buildings were here. While I was learning to drive, and trying to survive the mental trials of high school, these buildings were here. While I was living my life there, these buildings were here.

A looming feeling of disappointment sauntered up to me from the proverbial left field, and settled in my head. I can't seem to shake it. The disappointment is not with the buildings themselves, or even with the beautiful city surrounding them. The disappointment is deeper than that. I am disappointed at my own insignificance.

I feel insignificant because life went on here before I got here. I feel insignificant because life goes on back home, after I left. With the exception of a few people's feelings, it really doesn't matter to the world where I am. Life will go on with very, very little relative difference, no matter where I am.

I went back to pondering the position of my feet. Yes, my feet are here on the giant life-sized map. What if they weren't? Well, that building would still be there. Those cars would still drive by. The wind would still blow off the water and chill the air. What difference would it make? Very, very little, I'm afraid.

I don't want this to come across like I'm depressed. I'm not. I think I'm just trying to reconcile some conflicts in my brain. Mostly, I just feel like I want to make a difference with something, but don't know how.

Blah. Now my brain is tired from all this deep thinking. I think I shall go to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be less philosophical.

REFLECTIONS...

2008-11-17T17:36:10Z

Back in the early-to-mid-1980's, when I first moved to Coweta, I made fast friends with a quirky young boy named Steven. He was a short little guy who farted a lot, and who used to invite me over to ride four-wheelers and jump on the trampoline. One of my most distinct childhood memories was at his house, when his mother rented a VCR, and the Ghostbusters movie, and made Rice Krispie Treats. We sat in the dark and watched the little slimy green ghost on the television, and loaded up on sugar right before bed time. A good time was had by all, except maybe for his mother... ha ha.

His digestive problems aside, he was quite a funny guy to have around, and I enjoyed hanging around with him. When we were teenagers, we seemed to be going in different directions, and drifted apart. Life happens, I guess... but it is always this day every year that I remember his birthday, and wonder what happened to the little guy who taught me all about "Silent but Violent" gas.

----------------------------

As many of you may or may not know, my own birthday is tomorrow. A few of my dearest peeps got together on Saturday night, and took me out for dinner and dancing to celebrate. (Photos to follow, as soon as I get them off the camera...)

I am really happy that everyone made it for dinner. Togetherness is exactly what I wanted for my birthday this year. Last year's birthday was surrounded by emotional turmoil, and sort of went by without much ado. Plus, let's face it, the year following it hasn't exactly been a cake walk.

As I hold my can of Diet Pepsi up in the air, I propose a toast to all of you: May 33 be a whole hell of a lot better than 32 was!

Here, here!

SPAM SUCKS

2008-10-21T00:30:29Z

If I'd actually won the lottery as many times as my Yahoo Mail says I had, then I wouldn't have to be sitting here at this desk. I could have my own desk, in my own castle in the South of France, with servants to clean up my messes, wash my underpants, and screen my calls. I could even hire someone to teach me how to speak French, so I could order my servants around.

If ailing royalty from all those African countries really intended to wire me millions of dollars, I wouldn't have to get out of bed before noon, I wouldn't have to cook for myself, nor would I have to brush my own teeth. I'm sure I could hire a live-in dentist to professionally clean them after every meal.

If all those women from Yahoo Mail actually wanted to show me their tits, then I could get them all to sign waivers, and give the "Girls Gone Wild" guy some good competition.

If I actually signed up for, and received, all those free samples of Viagra, I could drive across country, distributing the drug to all the nursing homes, turning them in to rockin' old-people-frat-houses. Those poor old ladies will never know what hit them.

If I actually signed up for, and received, all those free samples of Enzyte and other male-enhancement drugs, I'm quite certain I would no longer be able to walk comfortably. I'd have to pay someone to follow me at all times and carry it. Or I could just push it around in a wheelbarrow.

Spam e-mail sucks. It is sad that I am considering dumping an e-mail address I've had for nearly ten years, just because I'm sick of seeing 95% of my inbox isn't even for me.

Or am I just in a bad mood?

You decide.

LIVE AND LEARN

2008-10-03T18:11:22Z

For some reason this one really tickled me.

LIVE AND LEARN, SNOOPY OLD BOY!

TIME TRAVEL

2008-09-26T20:05:28Z

Found on this page in Yahoo news:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080926/ap_en_ce/learjet_crash

Have we mastered the art of time travel?

CLAY IS GAY, NO SHYT SHERLOCK!

2008-09-26T18:01:08Z

Okay, I've had enough. I've just plain had it. Yes, Clay Aiken is GAY. This is a little piece of information that most of us have KNOWN for YEARS, but all of a sudden, it's plastered all over magazine covers, and every online news venue carries at least one headline about it, if not more. In fact, this morning when I got up, one of the nationwide news shows was having a long interview with Clay Aiken about his new baby, and his recent announcement about being a pouf.

I can imagine there might be two or three people who were shocked by this announcement. Probably his Grandma, an old high school girlfriend, and the person who posted this on his ClayManiacs fan web site:

"This is really shocking news as I had no idea he was gay, and now I have to deal with this. I am not sure what to say to people who know I was a fan. ... I didn't go to work today and am not answering the telephone."

Okay, so that person is a bigoted dumbass - I'm sure that everybody she's embarrassed to face already KNEW that Clay is gay, and really couldn't give a damn. I know that most of us are rolling our eyes at the whole situation, and quite frankly, are tired of it.

I mean to say that we have way more important issues to worry about in this country, besides whether or not Clay Aiken prefers external genitalia over the more internal variety.

I think Clay is a very talented singer, although I wouldn't buy an album. I'm really happy that he got to have a child with a good friend, and I'm sure he's an awesome guy if you spent the time getting to know him, but NOBODY CARES. Let's stop milking this, and get on with our lives!

QUICK FUNNIES

2008-09-23T22:50:31Z

Short funnies for today:

----------------------------

I overheard this in the hallway as I was coming in to the office this morning:

** sound of someone's high-pitched yawning **

"Good lord, you sound like a baby harp seal!"

----------------------------

While eating some Laffy Taffy that I swiped out of Judy's moose (this weird thing in her office that she keeps candy in), I started reading the jokes. And they are real knee-slappers, let me tell ya.

Q: WHY DO MELONS ALWAYS HAVE BIG WEDDINGS?
A: BECAUSE THEY CANTALOUPE.

Q: WHY DO MOTHER KANGAROOS HATE THE RAIN?
A: BECAUSE THE KIDS HAVE TO PLAY INSIDE ALL DAY.

Q: HOW DID THE FROG CROSS THE ROAD?
A: HE TIED HIMSELF TO A CHICKEN.

Q: WHY THE THE MAN TAKE A HAMMER TO BED?
A: BECAUSE HE WANTED TO HIT THE SACK.

Q: WHAT HAS 2 BANKS, BUT NO MONEY?
A: A RIVER.

Q: HOW MANY MONTHS HAVE 28 DAYS?
A: ALL OF THEM.

----------------------------

A couple of weeks ago, I saw this sign on an on-ramp to the 405, and said WTF???

I HAVE AN EXTRA TICKET...

2008-09-19T19:46:03Z

I have an extra ticket to Cheap Trick, Heart, and Journey for tonight. Any of my Seattle area buddies interested in going with me?

Hit me up!

MORE ADVENTURES ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT

2008-08-29T18:06:08Z

This will be a two-parter.

For the past couple of Fridays, I have been taking public transport to work. I don't know what it is about me and public transport, but there always seem to be issues with bodily functions when I am traveling with strangers. (If you recall, the last time I blogged about public transport was when the bus driver suddenly pulled the bus over and ran in to the Shell station. I presumed it was an urgent restroom issue.)

----------------
PART ONE: PERNICIOUS POSTERIOR POOFS PUTRID POISON ON PUBLIC PASSENGERS

Last week's commute started off without a hitch. The train ride in to Seattle was fairly quiet -- or as quiet as a train can be. I actually ran in to someone I know on the train, and we sat across from each other. It was way too early in the morning to discuss anything deep and meaningful, so we made idle chit-chat all the way in to downtown Seattle.

Yadda yadda yadda, I caught my connecting bus, and decided to sit in the very back, to avoid having to either shimmy my big behind next to a dude who had one as big as mine, or sit next to the smelly homeless guy. I plopped down in the very last row, next to someone who was leaned over, sleeping.

Sadly, this was the wrong choice. The sleeping person kept farting in my direction. At first, I wasn't sure, but a "second wind" came blurping out of her behind, and the stench was making for an extremely unpleasant ride. I began to think I should have sat next to the smelly homeless guy. That would have been better.

As revenge for her public pooting, I am posting the picture I took of her butt. You can see how close I was, as the green part in the corner is my elbow. I figured if she can be that "cheeky" in public, she deserves to have her hiney posted in a blog. hehehehe.

-----------------

PART TWO: SHUT UP, ALREADY. IT'S JUST POOP.

This morning, I managed, again, to make it through the train ride without much ado. As I walked from the train station to my bus stop, I saw the STARBUCK'S sign, and began to really crave one of those incredibly sweet, bad-for-you-caramel-whipped-cream-frozen-blended-venti things. (Those of you who know me, know how rare this is for me to drink anything with coffee in it.) I decided to take the rare opportunity to do the Seattle thing, and buy that coffee.

As I was standing in line, I got the gurgle in my tummy. Not from hunger, or even from gas, but the kind that makes you know that you need to go to the bathroom -- RIGHT NOW. It wasn't going to wait for another 20 minute bus ride to the office. I paid for my drink, asked for one of the restroom keys, and took care of my business.

Now, I don't mean to be graphic, but it's germane to the story. Admittedly, it was foul. I had to provide the other restroom occupants with two courtesy flushes to keep them from thinking they were being attacked with biological weapons.

As I was finishing up, this bumbling idiot type came in to the restroom. You know the type, still wears the 1970's handlebar mustache, the 1980's mullet, and has no social grace at all. I know for a fact that my "cloud" had cleared somewhat, because my eyes were no longer watering, and my ears had stopped ringing. Yet, this guy made it a point to make as much fuss over the smell as he possibly could, in his very limited vocabulary, and trying to get the others in the restroom to agree with him.

At first, my instinct was to stay in the stall, and hide in shame until everyone had left. Instead, I decided that would have been stupid to let some ignoramus shame me over something as natural as pooping. I mean, come on... we all do it. And if you're going to be in a public restroom intended for more than one person at a time, chances are you're gonna hear and smell things. That's just the way it is.

I came out of the stall, stood next to him at the sink, and washed my hands. He left the restroom before i did. He apparently didn't have the guts to say anything about it to my face. I simply rolled my eyes at him and went to get my coffee from the barista.

I grabbed my "big as my head" coffee drink, and headed out the door, and who do I see standing at the counter? You guessed it! The asshat from the restroom. He was standing at the counter, talking to all the employees, saying, "... and I couldn't believe the smell! It was so bad! I was like... DUUUDE!". Then as I was walking out the door, and I heard him say, "... and that was the guy, right there!".

What a childish buffoon! Now, I may never be able to go to that Starbuck's again. I guess I'll just have to go across the street to Tully's from now on.

I LOVE THE INTERNET

2008-08-12T18:47:42Z

Four long months ago, I posted a blog. It was a short, sad little blog about the death of my big screen television. I mourned my loss greatly, as I had to return to the archaic age of the 1990's, where a 25-inch tube television was considered a standard, although not top-of-the-line.

As the time passed, I became used to the idea that my 50 inch Hitachi was just a big pretty box, sitting on top of that giant table in which I stored my DVD's. I adapted to watching Miss Carrie Bradshaw wax philosophical on the topic of "Men as Argile Socks" on the smaller screen. I changed my views on the necessity of seeing the news anchors' collective wrinkles in high definition.

After all, I had no choice but to adapt. After retrieving repair quotes of anywhere between $300 and $600 for a procedure that "might" work, I, naturally, had to re-think the necessity of this luxury.

It is with beaming pride that I announce that my television is now working again, and for a mere fraction of the cost on even the lowest repair quote. After a mere $90 investment in the proper part, and about an hour of cursing as my friends and I performed electronic surgery, we got her up and running (and with a one year warranty, no less).

As I played my discs last night, I sat and stared in awe at the glow of the large screen. I was mesmerized by all the bright colors, and the richness of the sound of the speakers. I had forgotten what a marvel it was when I first brought this television home.

This is why I love the age of the internet:

Hitachi Web Site = Troubleshooting guide, to find out the problem.
Google = Search engine used to find what OTHERS did when they had the same problem.
eBay = $90 part.
YouTube = The "how to" video that showed us what to do with the new part. (And we needed it)
MySpace / LiveJournal / Facebook = I get to post this blog to share my joy with all my friends.

My love to all!

-- J

STATE OF THE UNION

2008-08-01T07:44:41Z

'When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines on you. "

This is a line from a movie I watched tonight. It is called "In The Wild". What a powerful story. To escape the pain of a broken family, a young man gives up all the comforts of modern society to live in solitude in the Alaskan wilderness. I won't give away the story for those of you who have yet to see this film, but for those who have... isn't there a powerful message there? Yes, it's called READ ALL INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE PROCEEDING.

As many of you may have realized, I have been on a brief hiatus from blogging. It's not that I didn't have plenty to talk about, or even plenty that I wanted to tell you about. The truth of the matter is that I have been going through something very personal that someone else might not have appreciated me sharing with the rest of the virtual world. In an attempt to keep the peace in internet-land, I have opted to keep most of my recent experiences to myself -- or at least to those who were in close enough ear-shot to avoid having to type it and post it.

Okay, it's no secret. I have been going through a break-up. It's been very hard on me. Probably not as hard as it could have been, considering I haven't lived with my boyfriend in two years, but it's been hard nonetheless. We were together over eight years, and I loved him. At times it seemed I loved him more than I loved myself. At other times, it seemed he loved himself more than I loved him. It was a winning situation all around. Despite the love I still have for him, I can see very clearly that we have different priorities and goals in life.

I feel disappointed. I keep wallowing in the disbelief that I would spend eight years of my life trying to convince someone that they should love me. And the strange thing is that I didn't fail. He actually loves me. He loves me. He does. Unfortunately, the real truth is that he didn't want to join forces with me in this game called life. He enjoyed having his life, and me having mine, and when we could meet in the middle somewhere, it was awesome. Sadly, life came to a jagged point where I had to either rely on him or leave. I think we all know where that story goes (all the way to Seattle), and it didn't end well, as far as this relationship goes.

I tried to be strong and make it to the other side of the "break up river" without making a fool of myself. Sadly, I failed at that, just as I failed in this relationship. I failed, because one evening, in a moment of weakness, I asked him to change his mind about the break-up. I asked him to please consider taking me back, because I loved him so much. After all, what else matters, right? He said he'd think about it and let me know. Well I can tell you this much. It has been well over a month since then, and I have yet to hear back on that particular subject. Some people would say, "There's your answer, you big dummy!", and I would agree with them.

It pains me that I have to admit I was barking up the wrong tree all these years. What I want, what I need is a TEAMMATE in life, not a ROOMMATE. I am done being second choice, being someone's consolation prize because they didn't feel like they could do better. I feel like a new person. Yes, my life is going to go in a slightly different direction than before, but I am confident that my life will take a wonderful direction and I will be happy. I have learned that despite my personal hang-ups, I am a funny, vibrant person who deserves to have everything he wants in a life mate. I don't have to beg for attention, and I shouldn't have to apologize for anything that I can't control.

The bottom line is that I am awesome. Most of you already know this, and have known so ever since I told you back in our Coweta days... hhehee. Anyway, seriously though... people will like me, or they can go fuck themselves -- pardon my marinated-in-vodka-French. I *am* worth love, and I don't have to beg for it. I had hoped my Caribbean-Indian foreigner was the answer, but now it seems that he may have been more of the "question" -- if you know what I mean.

In my quest to find meaning to all this, I have come across plenty of reason to get over it quickly. Do I want to? Time will tell...

Until then... keep those blog comments coming! Love to all!

HECK, GOSH, AND OTHER EXPLICATIVES

2008-07-18T18:29:13Z

Hi, guys. I know I haven't written in a while, so sorry for that. At last, it's Friday. It's also "WOO-HOO-PAY-DAY" Friday! (Woo hoo!) Time to pay all the bills I've been putting off, and see if I might have enough left over to do something fun.

I had a couple of funnies lately that I felt I should share.

1. BUMPER STICKER

2. INACCURATE SPELLING
In one of our systems here at the office, in an obscure drop-down menu, someone was trying to spell "inaccuracy", and spelled it "In Accuraccy". We all had a big laugh at the "inaccurate" spelling of "inaccuracy".
I know, I know, I'm a huge, walking Seinfeld episode.

3. ADVENTURES ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION
Yesterday, I left the car with my new roomie, and decided to take the BUS to work. The thing is, I only live 15 miles away from the office, but the BUS takes me all over creation before I can get to the office. I went on the trip planner web site, plotted out my course, my transfers, and route numbers. I was ready to go.

The first bus was to drop me on 2nd and Seneca St in downtown Seattle. We were headed down Seneca. 7th Avenue. 6th Avenue. 5th Avenue. 4th Avenue. Wait... what where they doing?! I need to go to 2nd! They are turning and going north!! I panicked and got off the bus.

Admittedly, it had been quite a while since I had taken public transport to work, and it had only been once since I moved in to this particular apartment, so I am not very good at it. I did remember, though, that the last time, I caught the express bus to my office from the underground bus terminal about a block from where I panicked and jumped off the last bus. I walked to the terminal, and found that I had gone down the wrong stairs. I was on the opposite side from the ones that would take me in the right direction, and I was watching the LAST appropriate express bus leave.

I have to admit, by this time, I was pretty disappointed. Luckily, my new roomie, who has quickly become very acquainted with the transit system here, told me that if I ran in to any trouble, I could "hop the 550 in to Bellevue" and catch another connection to the office. With these words ringing in my ear, I found the appropriate bus, and "hopped it".

Yadda, yadda, the 550 drops me off at the Bellevue Transit Center, and the connecting bus was about to leave. You should have seen this fat guy running with his little gay lunch bag on his arm, and his wheelie-laptop bag in tow. I'm sure it was quite a sight, but I didn't care. I was late.

I get to the last bus, and ask the driver, "This one goes to Eastgate, right?". You'd think I kicked his dog or something. He blurbled something in a very surly, gravely voice, and I climbed aboard. At last, I could relax, I would be at the office in ten minutes, and the terrible experience would be over.

No such luck.

We get about a mile from my office, and suddenly, the bus driver JERKS the bus to the side of the road, kills the engine, and runs out of the bus, in to a Shell station. At this point, there's just me, and about 10 college students left on the bus. We all looked at each other and shrugged. I began thinking of all the things that could be happening. I thought, maybe the bus broke down, and I was REALLY going to be late. I thought maybe he really wanted some coffee, and considered how rude and unprofessional it was that he would do that in the middle of his route. Then I thought, maybe the driver had diarrhea. That would certainly account for his surly demeanor, and I would be able to forgive his hasty departure.

After about ten minutes, I considered getting off the bus and walking the last mile, or calling one of my work friends to come and pick me up. While I was dithering internally over my options, the bus driver came back and we resumed our travels. After about 2 hours and 10 minutes of traveling, I was finally at work. *phew*

Bottom line, I don't want to take the bus any more.

JOSH IN THE NEWS!

2008-07-10T22:12:23Z

Xina sent me this news story today. I had no idea I was making such a difference, much less making the news!

Click here to watch the video.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

2008-07-10T22:10:56Z

There's something terribly wrong with this picture, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

HOOPLESS IN SEATTLE

2008-07-03T22:09:00Z

It's all over the news. Giant black headlines with photos of mourning people holding hand painted signs that say "R.I.P." You'd think Princess Diana died again (if that were possible), or that the Great Depression Number Two had just started.

Nope. The Seattle Supersonics are being moved to Oklahoma City. It's not like we didn't already know it was going to happen, but apparently, now it's official, and the masses are in an uproar.

Of course, then they see me, the little Okie transplant, and they lash out at me about it, as if I had something to do with it.

Click to see full-sized.

NINE LITTLE MINUTES

2008-06-30T08:25:32Z

Today, for the first time in my life, I tried a tanning bed. It is supposed to help my skin condition, and besides, who doesn't want to be tan and gorgeous? (In my case, TAN will have to be enough on its own... but I digress LOL). This is, of course, thanks to a very good and generous friend of mine, who blessed me with this gift of unlimited tanning through December 31st. Look out, world, here I come!

Anyway, I was a bit nervous as I walked in the front door with my pasty white self, blinded by all the bleached teeth and bleached hair behind the counter. Of course, they tried to sell me their three-million-dollar-per-bottle tanning lotions, which I was warned they would do. Luckily, I had already bought some cheap crap from Wal-Mart, but I did opt for the eight dollar pair of tanning goggles, so I wouldn't have to force myself to have my eyes closed the whole time. After all, I was going to be naked in a strange place, and there was no way I was going to be caught by surprise.

I was directed to "bed number eleven, down the hall, on your left", which turned out to be on the right. I asked for instructions on how to use the bed, and was told, "Oh, it's very easy. You will have four minutes to get ready, and when you want to turn on the bed, just hit the blue button."

Folks, let me tell you, there was NO blue button on the tanning bed. There was a green one that said "START", and a red one that said "STOP". Thinking that the girl must be addicted to peyote buttons (pun intended), I pushed the START button. Nothing happened. I checked the timer on the wall, and I still had 2 minutes left in my "getting ready" phase, so I thought maybe the bed wouldn't react until then.

Nope, still nothing.

I looked on the wall behind my head, and there appeared to be a tiny, dark-colored button there. It wasn't exactly blue, but that HAD to be it. A-HA! I had found it! But why would they hide it back there where nobody would see it? I pressed the button, and the radio came on, but not the tanning bed. Drat.

I thought of yelling for help, but I *really* didn't need the Barbies coming in there to see me naked. I had already used up a full minute of my ten minute starter tanning just trying to turn on the damn bed. I decided to get up and poke around the room a bit to see if I could find the elusive "blue button". It took me a while, but I did manage to find a blue button on a wall panel with a bunch of other buttons. I pushed it. Nothing happened.

By this point, I was starting to get mad. I looked around some more, and found that that dumb little button among all those other buttons was the ONLY blue thing in the room, and so I began obsessively pushing it again and again. Finally, the bed lit up, and I was, at last, able to lay down to find out what this tanning thing was all about.

The actual experience itself was quite relaxing. I left the radio on for a distraction, and some fans were blowing cool air on my skin. It felt really nice. I expected it to get pretty warm in there, but it was actually very pleasant, and I didn't even break a sweat. In fact, the isolation was kind of nice. I was alone with my thoughts, with some pretty good tunes from my teenage years, and a light breeze. I felt myself go in to "the zone", when... suddenly... POW! The lights go out. Or at least it seemed that way. It was actually the bed turning off, but in the moment, it seemed like a blackout, or the apocalypse or something. I got up off the bed, got dressed, and headed out.

I can actually see why people like tanning. I felt like I needed longer in the bed. I thought, "Well, I will go back tomorrow, and have them put me in for fifteen minutes."

GUURRRRLLL I was WROOONNNGGG. I was actually under the bulbs for just under NINE LITTLE MINUTES, and now that several hours have passed, I am in PAIN. My forearms, hands, and face took it pretty well, actually. However, there is a large portion of me that hasn't seen the sun since 1981, and a smaller portion that has NEVER seen the sun. And all of those places hurt. Especially my butt. I burned my butt in the tanning bed. I can barely sit down.

Go ahead, laugh. You know you want to!

Of course I am going back, but definitely not tomorrow, and definitely not for more than ten minutes. My ass needs to cool off a little first. Owwweeeeee!